Monthly Archives: October 2011

Great Goals #4: Benzema – Real Madrid vs Deportivo la Coruna

Benzema shenzema, this goal is entirely about the magic of Guti. The Spaniard’s composure and innovation is pure gold. Many players may have finished the ball from where Guti was, but many would have missed it too. Guti makes Ghandi look selfish, and practically guarantees a goal. This action is all about the team and not the player which, in the end, is what makes it so great.

Absolute magic.

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The Five Footballing Halloween Horrors #2: Misses

Catch # 1 here #3 here and #4 here and #5 here.

More Halloween horror coming atcha now with an exceptionally ghastly category this time: misses. Some brave players have stared in to the gaping abyss of an empty net and… completely fluffed it. Warning, the following footage will make you cringe like an old Russian farmer pitchforking her foot.

Noah Hickey vs some team in New Zealand 1997. Little is properly know about this clip, and that is probably for the best for Hickey. In a New Zealand league game between Hickey’s Central United and… another team, Noah managed to miss on the line. After a successful dibble Hickey attempted a snazzy move that the world will never see. Because he stuffed it.

He had trials at Watford once… may have fitted in.

Yakubu vs South Korea, World Cup group stage 2010. The Yak has always been a reasonable goalscorer but the pressure of the World Cup in South Africa was just too much for him. It’s cool though, it’s not like that goal would’ve taken Nigeria through the group stage. Oh…

Don't worry, your buddies have got your back

Diego Forlan vs Juventus, pre-season friendly 2003. So you’re Diego Forlan. You spend your time being one of the best players in the world and having sexy girlfriends. In between this, you have a cheeky friendly against Juve. You decide to show your new-ish teammates your work rate by chasing a ball back to the goalkeeper. You are slightly surprised when the ball falls between you and an empty goal. ‘Slightly’ doesn’t sum up the amount of surprise over what came next though:

Fernando Torres vs Man United, Premier League 2011. You were expecting this one. As I’ve mentioned before, Nando isn’t the man he once was. But he still is a striker, a player you would’ve expected to rise to big occasions. What makes this clip so shocking (so shocking it is impossible to find online) is the brief stepover before ‘the event’.

It was a flashback to genius once possessed by Torres; a look into the beautiful career of one of the most lethal goalscorers ever. A split second later and present reality come crashing back.

Ronnie Rosenthal vs Aston Villa, Premier League 1992. You may have heard Torres’ sin against goal scoring referred to as a ‘Rosenthal’. This is why:

He’s scored that goal until literally the last millisecond.

Kei Kamara vs LA Galaxy, MLS 2010. The others on this list have been bad, horrible even. However, this entry from Kansas City Wizard’s Kamara is far and away the worst miss ever. It is a crime against humanity. What he does is exceptional in so many ways: It was about two inches out. He turned a goal into a foul. He fails at one of the most basic fundamental parts of football. Not only would your gran have scored it, her tea set would have.

Keep it here for the final part of the Five Footballing Halloween Horros.

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The Five Footballing Halloween Horrors #3: Dives

Part #1 here and #2 here and #4 here and #5 here

Continuing with the Halloween theme this time is one of the biggest bugbears of the game, the downright despicable discipline of diving. As a modern football fan,we have to accept that diving is a part of the game, and it will remain so until the punishments outweigh the benefits. But that doesn’t make these Tom Daley impressions any less horrifying.

Aurelien Chedjou vs Inter Milan, Champions League group stage 2011. This one begins how about 50% of dives are made; an arm or hand going near the air near a player’s face. Chedjou grabs his face as is standard procedure, but then something amazingly unlikely happens.

The Bullet Ant that Chedjou was keeping in his mouth clamps down on his cheek and he simultaneously gets shot in the eye. Seriously, I thought when he moved his hand I was going to vomit. Turns out this thespian is probably in the wrong profession, listen to that scream – I’m thinking war film extra?

Rivaldo vs Turkey, World Cup group stage 2002. The holy grail of dives. Many of us familiar with the Brazilian’s antics wish the ball had hit him in the face. This wasn’t too bad, the worst thing is that Hakan Unsal gets the red and Brazil eventually knock Turkey out. Actually, the worst thing is that Rivaldo went on to have an excellent World Cup. Actually, the worst thing is that he only got fined £5180, money he was going to use to stud his gold Rolex with diamonds.

Actually, this is horrible.

Bryan Carrasco vs Ecuador, U20 World Cup qualifier 2011. Watching youth football is exciting. Sure the moves aren’t perfectly worked out and the finishing is rough, but it’s fine. The performances are worse than what you expect from seniors basically. And that goes for all aspects of the game – apparently including diving.

That might even be a new type of foul there, forcibly making the opposition foul you and then diving. I take it back, the U20s are innovators!

Dider Drogba vs Jens Lehmann, Premier League 2007. Both these guys are a little bit crazy. Drogba is an exceptionally talented center forward with balance like Bambi on a glacier, and Lehmann could’ve been the new Khan was he not such a psychopath. So when someone challenged them to a ‘dive off’ the results were shockingly pathetic:

Crazy as a rhino made of Stella

Rodrigo Nunes de Sa vs Mirassol, Serie D. Let me lay some various knowledge on you here. Firstly, this is Brazillian fourth tier, so not the height of importance. Secondly, most players dive to gain an advantage; an opposition red card, free kick/penalty, or holding up play are all understandably desirable. I don’t condone diving on any level, but I do acknowledge the reasons for it.

Thirdly, Rodrigo Nunes de Sa is the referee.

What an earth kind of advantage is he trying to get by doing that? Maybe the Mirassol no.6 has a really bad virus and he is desperately trying to avoid the player’s ‘blow’ at him. Maybe he’s just a cock.

Keep your peepers peeled for more Halloween scares tomorrow!

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