3 Ways Clubs Could Handle the Re-Recession

It’s all about ‘dem dolla’ in the leagues (and world) right now. Sir Alex wants more money from television sales, Liverpool want more money from making their own television sales, the government want more money from the F.A, and the F.A want more money in the league. Meanwhile all the Football League clubs that make up the £600 million losses just wish they didn’t owe so much money.

With the collective club debt sitting at a mammoth £3.5 BILLION what is a chairman or manager to do? Here’s some ideas…

Make and Sell Some Art

Art = Cash, it’s as simple as that. In the Premier League we have some of the most creative thinking minds tactically and physically. I’m not saying if you took the ball away from the Britannia Stadium it would look like choreographed dance, but who wouldn’t want to know the inner workings of Tony Pulis?

Despite Blackburn’s new chicken-rearing backers, gaffer Steve Kean thought to put it upon his own artistic talents to add to the transfer kitty with a drawing of a squirrel.

£53 isn't bad for a Ronaldo caricature

But why stop there? Who wouldn’t want to see the personal reflections of the dancers in the great showpiece that is football? As hard as it is to get complex minds such as Titus Bramble and Alex to open up, a few players have delved into the renaissance art form of self-portraiture. From the Puzzled David James…

…to the pac-man headed Wayne Rooney…

That chunk out of his head does explain his red card somewhat

Masterpieces, I’m sure you’ll agree. Though it does have to be noted that all of these pieces were done with charity in mind; an honorable reason to whip out the sharpie. Despite similar claims from the next on the list, I think someone’s just looking to make a quick buck…

Sell Bits of Your Club

The problem with crafting a master piece if you’re a chairman is that you have no talents at all, just deceptively shallow pockets. But why go through all the emotional pain of creating art when you’re surrounded by it at the club?

Mike Ashley has to be the king of cheap ways to make money, and when a disgruntled toon fan told him he was ‘selling the club’s name’ a lightbulb flickered to life…

It reads like a very expensive and very predictable game of countdown

Ashley decided he’d flog the Magpie’s club sign from the East Stand. Think how many times clubs have sold turf and kits, and after a hundred years or so most people know which ground they’re at anyway! Ashley even demonstrated excellent time management by using the ‘N’ and ‘E’ photos twice, talk about natural business acumen.

For all the Newcastle faithful out there, you have until Sunday. May I suggest the second ‘N’ too, seeing as it’s £2290 cheaper than the first (what are Geordies like aye?).

Sell Your Personal Belongings

Now obviously the players’ belongings are always being sold; boots, caps, mangled Ferraris etc. But how often do we get a piece of managerial clobber to paw over? As usual, the clear thinking Germans were on to this idea with ‘cucumber-cool’, Joachim Low recently selling his iconic blue jumper for €1 million.

Meh, it was a present from Mrs.Low anyway...

The lucky jumper was worn during the 4 goal hidings of Australia, England and Argentina. Just think how many tens of pennies the F.A could get for McClaren’s umbrella and coat? Especially considering Guy Fawkes night is approaching…

With the way things are going financially, don’t be surprised to see a few Grant Holt oil paintings, Maynor Figueroa origami scuptures and Roy Hodgson dancing shoes crop up to pay for transfers this winter.

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