Like how I put Halloween in there? That’s called being topical. Anywho, kicking off the ‘Footballing Horror’ is hair. Not a hugely integral part of the game, but in some cases, one of the scariest.
As any good war photographer will tell you, a picture is worth a thousand words when it comes to horrifying scenes, so lets take a look at some of the more follically challenged players to have haunted the game. Those who get anxious around obscene ‘do’s may want to skip this one.
Lets begin in the olden days…
Bobby Charlton’s open-and-close comb-over. Like someone slapping a fish over his head for 90 minutes.
John Dempsey’s tsunami comb-over. Before gel and dye the only way to really keep the women away was a comb-over it seems.
Carlos Valderrama’s bleached ostrich torso. A cross between the Hair Bear and a multiple amputee Big Bird was how the assist machine rolled.
Roberto Baggio’s multiple hairgasm. ‘Yeah can I order the curly mullet please, with some grey and a slight mohawk, served with a ponytail?’ ‘Certainly would you like a hint of dreadlocks with that?’ ‘Well, obviously’.
Ronaldo’s novel pube cut. If his hair was a lady’s fun-garden, you know what his face would be…
David James’ selection pack. It would be harder to find a haircut that wasn’t horrifying.
Fernando Torres’ kebab shop scally. I’ve seen a lot guys with hair like this in the Maidstone area in Kent.
Sandro’s poor man’s Baggio. Without any of the weight that Roberto has, Sandro was forced to colour it in that traditional Tottenham colour.
If you thought that selection of barnet fair was bad, you ain’t see nothing yet. Stay tuned for more Halloween Horrors…