Weekly Roundup: Welcome Back to the League Edition

 

Match Lookback

Did you know Craven Cottage was in opposite land? It appears so; after getting rid of scorers like Bobby Zamora, Danny Murphy, Pavel Pogrebnyak, and Clint Dempsey (pretty much), Fulham manged to punish a weak Norwich team 5-0. Damien Duff‘s control for the first goal was exquisite and means the Irish winger has scored in 13 Prem seasons.

Not to be outdone, Swansea repeated the Londoner’s scoreline, only they did it away to QPR. After playing fine for all of eight minutes, Rob Green thought he’d let the Rangers fans know what they’re in for by slapping new boy Michu‘s shot in his net. From then on it was all the Swans. Could have been seven.

Liverpool were picked apart by a clinical West Brom team at the Hawthorns. Happy to play on the counter to the Red’s wasted efforts, Shane Long‘s ‘choice’ moments to be fouled proved Liverpool’s undoing. To remove any speculation about the win, Zoltan Gera did crack a netbuster in though.

Man United were left frustrated last night as a resolute Everton side took all three points. Moyes deployed Marouane Fellaini just off the striker and it paid dividends when the afro-ed Belgian got the goal. I’m sure United fans are giving up on the title already, which isn’t surprising given the standards at the club…

Andesron? Never heard of him

Elsewhere, Tottenham managed to chuck a reasonable position twice to Newcastle and the genius of Hatem Ben Arfa, Man City overturned a surprising Southampton lead despite an inspirational Rickie Lambert, West Ham scrapped in a goal to win against Aston Villa, Chelsea’s Eden Hazard undid Wigan inside seven minutes, Stoke turned a win into a draw with a last-minute penalty giveaway to Reading, and Arsenal unsurprisingly didn’t score in a 0-0 with Sunderland.

 

News Reel

Match of the Day is getting mildly better! In an effort to balance out the scale of ‘boring guy with too much forehead’, BBC have shipped off Lee Dixon and brought in ‘Arry ‘Droopy’ Redknapp and Mick ‘the Nose’ McCarthy to join Alan ‘Thunderbird’ Hansen, Alan ‘Yawn’ Shearer, Mark ‘why the long face’ Lawrenson, and Gary ‘the Velvet Owl’ Lineker.

An Old Lady (that looks like a man) took a pig to a Palmeiras game in Brazil lately because… well, at least she didn’t do a Anthony Barabbas on it.

Alan Pardew is going to receive a two game touchline ban for pushing the linesman in the Spurs game. With an enormous grin, he told the beeb that he was ashamed of himself.

Lino: ‘Oh no you did’nt!’

 

Transfer Trawl

Well the big news is that Arsenal’s goal-getter Robin van Persie has made the £24mil switch to Man U. Despite the mouthwatering prospect of ‘Fatman and Robin’ up front, the majority of United fans seem underwhelmed by the big signing. Perhaps that is because they already had a great frontline in Berbatov, Chicharito, and Welbeck, while the gaping maw in midfield in Scholes’ absence grows.

Liverpool also made some movements, bringing in Swansea pass merchant Joe Allen for a weighty fee that has a hankering of Downing/Adam/Carroll about it. Though an Allen/(improved) Lucas/Gerrard midfield can’t be a bad thing. Along with this they picked up Oussama Assaidi – a Moroccan winger, balancing it up by sending Craig ‘just lemme say this one thing’ Bellamy back to his spiritual home of Cardiff.

Everton Midfielder and England hopeful Jack Rodwell decided that playing all the time and having people believe he had some club allegiance was getting a bit old and moved to Man City for 12mil.

West Brom managed to bolster their now impressive looking attack with the new Drogba himself Romelu Lukaku on loan from Chelsea.

The unattacheys Louis Saha and Jose ‘just shave it already’ Bosingwa have found their way back into the wages at Sunderland and QPR respectively.

Not content with throwing out last season’s best player, Arsenal decided to get rid of the second best and all. Alex Song now joins the formidable midfield ranks of Barcelona for 15 big ones. Hmm the same price as Allen…

Tottenham announced the five million pound signing of Emmanuel Adebayor earlier. Unlucky Jermaine, at least you got one game. In the Spur’s outbox, Sebastian Bassong has moved to needy Norwich, presumably after seeing his centre half position taken up by players who generally would need a zimmer frame.

Transfer Troll

Scott Sinclair who only made 72 apps in six years before joining Swansea has decided not to sign a new contract. His 81 apps in two years for the Swans just doesn’t cut it. ‘Hmm I’m an English midfield/forward who is just a bit old to be considered a hot prospect, and who is struggling a wee bit with the step up to Premier League football… a move to Man City will get me all the football I could ever need!’

 

Video of the Week

There are many great goals that embody the explosive nature of the best league in the world I could put here, but when a video tickles you just right, you can’t ignore it. Ever wondered how informal the brothers Neville are towards each other? About as informal as two butlers at a funeral…

 

 

 

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