Tag Archives: Peter Shilton

2 England v Poland Qualifiers To Make You Worry

With Hodgson’s boys looking good for World Cup qualification in a Pole filled Wembley tonight you’d think England would be a beautiful place of rainbows and optimistic thoughts instead of the gloomy autumn clouds hovering over everyone’s pessimistically groaning head.

Rather than being proud of potentially joining the world’s best at next summer’s tournament, fan’s already have us out of the group stages next year to Ethiopia and simultaneously dislike the use of sturdy old players and promising young talents.

But we should be thankful. We didn’t always have the luxury of being unsatisfied with success; as with haircuts, people had it worse in the 70s.

So read and watch on and be grateful that you won’t have to witness these scenarios tonight.

Right?

Poland 2 – 0 England, World Cup Qualifier 1973

England got what appeared to be a sweet deal in qualification for 1974’s West German World Cup; just Poland and Wales in qualification. But it was about as sweet as a James Milner’s crossing and, when England traveled to Chorzow in ’73, several horrifying things happened.

First of all England wore yellow shirts like some kind of knock off Brazil, and secondly the man who’s so English his heart is shaped like a lion – Bobby Moore – had a ‘mare.

Moorezinho

First of all, England’s World Cup winning captain scored an own goal, then he got caught in possession after making an uncharacteristic poor decision under pressure. To top it off, Alan Ball – another winner in ’66 – got a red card in what was Poland’s first and currently only defeat of England.

England 1 – 1 Poland, World Cup Qualifier 1973

After the yellow nightmare Poland routinely beat Wales meaning England would have to beat them at Wembley to advance to Germany.

Everything looked good though; England had just beaten Austria 7-0 in a friendly and had recovered from the last Poland game. By all accounts, the Polish were in for a hell of a game.

There was just one thing that Alf Ramsey and co hadn’t banked on though – Jan ‘The Clown’ Tomaszewski, the Polish goalkeeper.

They say every player plays the game of his life at some point, and this was Tomaszewski’s. Staring down the barrel of 36 shots and 26 corners, the keeper’s resistance was only broken by a Allan Clarke penalty which only served to cancel out the earlier Polish goal conceded by a combination of Norman Hunter’s sluggishness and Peter Shilton’s ability to give away easy goals at key moments.

At a 0-0 half-time Brian Clough reassured viewers that goals would be coming, calling Tomaszewski a “circus clown in gloves” (something he apologised personally for years later), but they didn’t.

A series of great saves and some debatable box work saw England held to a draw, knocked out of the group, and Tomaszewski become a folk hero.

Bar that truly ridiculous save from Colin Bell, the most amazing thing about ‘The Clowns’ performance is that – in true pre-Premier League style – he broke five bones in his wrist after two minutes and continued on to play an outstanding game.

Think about that next time Ashley Young ‘breaks’ his shin pad on a particularly unruly blade of grass.

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The Five Footballing Halloween Horrors #4: Dodgy Decisions

Check out #5 here and #3 here and #2 here and # 1 here

Staying loosely tethered to the Halloween topic this time is the despicably dodgy decisions that plague the game. I’m not talking about the sort of awful decision Marouane Chamakh makes every time he reaches for the hairgel, or the shocking decision made by Steve Bruce to get Titus Bramble and Nicklas Bendtner on the same team.

What you’re being haunted with today are the decisions made by our lovely referees and linesmen. ‘It’s such a hard job’ blahblahblah, sometimes these guys are so far off the boil they get frost around their whistles…

Geoff Hurst’s goal at the 1966 World Cup final ruled over the line.

Take a look for yourself at it in gloriously realistic colour, that is in right? No pressure, it’s only the World Cup Final between the two biggest rivals ever.

A superb finish, it’s tight on the replays but it’s there alright. The ref himself isn’t sure, so he consults the Russian savior of England Tofik Bahramov , and after a crazy nod of the head it’s given. Speaking of Bahramov, lets have a look at his point of view:

Oh dear, doesn’t look so concrete now. It doesn’t matter too much because I’m English so Wheeyyyyy and also they were on dope. Still the Germans bided their time, picked their linesman, and got their revenge…

Frank Lampard’s goal at the 2010 World Cup round of 16 ruled out.

44 years Germany waited for their moment to strike. Having had enough with Russians, Uruguayans were the way forward, specifically Mauricio Espinosa. Warning: This video is truly horrifying to all that support the Three Lions.

Wazza, describing how large a phallus the lino is

Still at least those two shots went in the goal…

Reading ghost goal in the Championship, 2008. Ghost goal, get it? It’s those linesmen again as Watford saw a goal go against them with out it ever crossing the line. Unlike Hurst and Lampard’s shots, the ball didn’t even go past the goalkeeper. I’ll let Clive explain:

‘Unbelievable Jeff!’ Those who would like to re-live the moment through Kammy can do so here.

Graham Poll gets three of a pair at the World Cup 2006. Australia vs Croatia in a decider to get through the group stage. Despite having an awful game, referee Poll spots a foul by Josip Simunic and books him. Later Simunic crops up again, and it’s another yellow for the fallback.

Simple task, you book a player, write his name down. You book him again, consult your book (if you really need to) and send him off. Poll didn’t like this method. He left Simunic to play on after his second yellow. Unbelievably Simunic gets in Poll’s face and gets himself a third booking and finally a red.

Failure follows the English through all major tournaments

Diego Maradona borrows god’s hand, World Cup 1986 quarter final. The most famous of them all, classic England: unfair decisions, warfare rivalries, abysmal goalkeeping. For those not in the know take a gander:

Bit unclear isn’t it? I mean your immediate reaction is handball or witchcraft; Peter Shilton isn’t the tallest goalkeeper, but he is eight inches taller then lil Diego. Lets just take one more look…

Pro tip Shilton: JUMP MORE THAN AN INCH OFF THE GROUND!

Of course Argentina went on to win the game, England repressively seething to this very day.

Santacruzense 1-1 Atletico Sorocaba, Paulista Football Federation Cup, 2006; young lad on debut grabs 89th minute equaliser. Oh yeah, HE’S A BALL BOY!

I can’t even begin to…expl… just watch this:

You don’t need me to tell you but, the ref was a lady.

What you gonna do? Make me work for talkSport?

Truly horrifying stuff from the men (and women) in black there, if it gets any worse they’ll be scoring the goals like they do in fifa.

Oh wait.

Stick around for more Halloween scares.

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